What do Earth Day and a Single Starfish Have in Common?

Once upon a time, there was a man who had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked, Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one!"

It's April 22nd.  Earth Day. And over 1 billion people from almost 200 countries around the world will be giving a shout-out to Mother Nature, including me. But before you call me a granola-munching hippy (as someone already did by defacing one of our Earth Day posters at school), consider this:

Earth Day isn't about saving the planet.  The planet will be just fine; it'll bounce back. Animals will adapt and evolve, plants will return, water will rain clean. It bounced back after each of the ice ages and the mass extinction of the dinosaurs and it can do it again.

In fact, the only ones who won't be ok are us. We would not adapt.  We would not return.  We would not survive.  Did you know that of the millions of species of animal and plant life on this planet, we are the ONLY ones that are not a necessary part of the food chain? That we are the ONLY species that the world would not miss if we became extinct? The reality is, the world is better off without us. Our relationship with the planet is not symbiotic, its parasitic...and we're the parasites.

So if that's the case, what's the big deal about Earth Day?

Earth Day is about saving each other.  Its about saving ourselves. We're the ones who need help. We're the ones who will be dealing with water and food shortages, increasingly violent and destructive weather, and the wars, diseases, and major changes to our quality of life that we're already feeling.  The increase of turbulence during air travel isn't just your imagination; its a result of the stronger and more frequent storms we now have.  In fact, it has been predicted that if this pattern continues, within the the 50 years, turbulence will be so bad that air travel will be virtually impossible.  It'll be too dangerous.

I'm not asking you to single-handidly solve the turbulence problem or end world food shortages or cure cancer.  It's impossible for one person to do all that.

But its not impossible for ONE BILLION people to do all that.

Today I brought my reusable mug to Starbucks instead of taking a paper cup.* And I took leftovers for lunch in reusable containers instead of buying a lunch wrapped in disposable containers. And tonight my children and I will be cleaning the litter off our street.


My reusable mug eagerly awaiting to be filled by my friendly neighborhood Starbucks Staff.


What can YOU do? Read a book instead of watching TV. Have a meatless Monday veggie dinner. Throw your eggshells/tea bags/coffee grounds in your garden instead of the garbage. Air Dry your hands instead of using the electric dryer or paper towel. Check your email/Facebook/Twitter account less often. 

Throw just one starfish back in the ocean, just like 1 billion other people are going to do.

One billion small actions = one big change.

So tell me, what's YOUR starfish?
*It didn't hurt that I got a free coffee because of it.  You can too! Bring your reusable mug to Starbucks on Earth Day and get a free coffee or tea!  Its a win-win situation!

Change

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

-A french proverb that has been interpreted as meaning that turbulent change doesn't affect reality on a deeper level.

Have you ever seen What Not to Wear? You know that show where Stacey and Clinton tell a woman that she's been dressing like total crap & they look like total crap & that she must dispose of her whole wardrobe and start over? And then they fight over whether to throw out her mom jeans, daisy dukes, and too big/too bright/too young/too old/too plain/too blinged-out clothes. And then she is given these fashion "rules" to follow while buying a brand-new wardrobe. And then she goes shopping and breaks the rules. And then Stacey and Clinton save her…along with Ted (hair) and Carmindy (makeup). And then the new "her" is revealed. And she loves it. And after all the tears and fighting and holier-than-thou speeches about clothes not making the woman, she concedes and is converted to their way of thinking: that you are what you wear. That how you look really does reveal to the world who you are and who you think you are and how much you think you're worth.

Sounds pretty awful, right? But I have to tell you that every woman I've ever spoken to has told me she's secretly wanted someone to nominate her to be on that show. Including me.

A few years ago, my daughter and I were watching the show and she suggested that I go on that show. "Do I really dress that badly?" I asked her.
"No," she replied. "Its just that you should take some time to do something nice for yourself once in a while."
Last week, I took the time to do something nice for myself. Last week, I had me a What Not to Wear day.

Enter: Leela

Interjection: Before I go on, I need to point out that I wan't a total mess before Leela took over. I just wasn't...polished or "showing off my assets," as my husband put it.

Now where was I? Right. Leela had just entered the scene (insert wiggly-lines that indicate we are going back in time) Actually, Leela entered the scene over 20 years ago as one of my sister's BFF's in high school. She was one of the two people I've ever come across who didn't go through those awkward teen years (her and maybe a young Audrey Hepburn) Fast-foward a couple decades and our daughters are now the BFF's and Leela still has not entered an awkward stage-at a time when many of us are entering our second awkward stage of both zits and wrinkles.

While some women claim that the dirty-thirties are the best years of your life, personally I have found them very confusing-at least where clothing is concerned. I'm not exactly sure what I'm too old for, too young for, what accentuates my body and want doesn't. And when I look around at all the other moms in my 'hood in clad in their unofficial uniform of Uggs-and-leggings, I know I'm not the only one...except Leela.

Leela always looks perfect-or as Stacey and Clinton say it, polished-whether she's on her way out to dinner, to pick the kids up from school, or to the gym. And I'm not the only one who noticed this either. That's probably why for years, women have been asking her to help them shop. Finally, she turned these favours into a business: Leela Waxman, stylist.

As soon as I found out she had set up shop, I called her. Correction: I told my husband I wanted to book an appointment and he got me a gift certificate for Valentine's Day-Best. Gift. Ever.

I was really nervous in the days leading up to our appointment. You know that feeling you get when people are coming over to your house and suddenly you see it through there eyes and you wonder if they'll notice that stain on the carpet or the chipped paint on your front door? It's like that, but its your clothes...which is so much more personal. But then the little Cayla on my shoulder reminded me that the whole reason she was coming over was to critique my wardrobe so really, the only thing I should be afraid of is that there was nothing to critique.   And that turned out not to be a problem at all. It turns out there was a lot to critique. Turns out more than 1/2 of what I owned was all wrong for me.

Here's what she did:

Step one: Look at all my pants and immedietly get rid of those that are obviously "wrong": outdated, too worn, or just plain ugly (what possessed me to buy pumpkin-colored chords is still a mystery).

The four bags of clothes that didn't make the cut

Step two: try on the maybes to see how they look; for those I'm allowed to keep, match them up with tops, shoes, belts, and jewels so I know how to put a polished outfit together.

So THAT'S how you wear white jeans!

Step three: write down which wardrobe staples I'm missing.

Step four: repeat with tops, dresses, skirts, and shoes.

My stylist, Leela, hard at work.  

Step five: go shopping for what I'm missing.

Along the way I learned a few things:

• Dresses are better than skirts at elongating my short torso. 
• Short, chunky necklaces draw attention to my face vs. the super-long necklaces I'd been wearing that draw attention away from my face. 
• A single-pocket tee makes my chest look lopsided and weird. 
• Leggings and lululemons are not clothes; they're meant to be worn in very few places, like my house or the gym. 
• When I wear tunic tops and untucked t-shirts, I look as fat as I feel.  Toss out the tunics and tuck in the tees. 
•  Most of my clothes were at least one size too big. 
• It takes just as long to put on a great pair of jeans, cool top and scarf as it does to put on mom jeans and a hoodie.
• It doesn't matter how much you paid for that gorgeous sweater; if its all balled-up, toss it.

I also learned a few things about myself: I really didn't have that high of an opinion of myself. My hips aren't too fat and my ankles aren't too skinny. Most of what I owned (or at least wore) covered up who I am and allowed me to fade away under my clothes. I always felt disheveled and invisible because I wore clothes that made me look disheveled and invisible.

Not anymore. It took a few days to get used to it, but now, when I get dressed, I always feel confident and put together and proud of how I look. No longer do I dress to fade away because I'm self-conscious about the way I look. I smile more. I walk taller. I feel more beautiful.

What I wore for the first day of the rest of my life. Not bad,...not bad at all!

And I don't wear pumpkin-colored chords.

At the end of What Not to Wear, the contestants are always crying and hugging Stacey and Clinton to death and saying what a life changing-experience it had been. I always thought that part was a little dramatic and played up for the camera. How could one week of shopping change your life that much?

It can. Because after only one day of shipping I, too, found myself (almost) crying and hugging Leela to death. And changed.

My wardrobe changed. How I feel about myself changed. What I think I'm worth has changed.

I've changed.

Sorry, French proverb. You're wrong.

Call her; you'll thank me.  But you'll thank her more.

Leela Waxman, home and wardrobe stylist: Leela.waxman@rogers.com

This is not a paid post nor was I compted for any services or products. I'm just a really satisfied customer.

Posted with Blogsy

What do Kinder Eggs and Sexy Cowgirls have in common?

Absolutely nothing…except this:

Yesterday, I was absent-mindedly perusing my Facebook account when this image appeared on my homepage.  And it couldn't have appeared at a better time.

Just minutes earlier, I had dismissed my last-period English class where had just finished an hour-long discussion on how companies design chocolate bar wrappers for their target audience.  We has looked at a variety of different bars, one of which, ironically, was a Kinder Egg. 

I am glad we had that conversation because without it, I am not sure if I would have spent more than 5 seconds looking at this ad before moving on. 

It is, without a doubt, one of the most offensive ads I have seen in a while.  

In case you're not seeing it, let me point a few things out to you:  The geniuses at Kinder Egg have decided that instead of the gender-neutral puzzles and mini-model kits they usually offer, they would segregate their eggs into "boy" eggs-which contain Hot Wheels cars, and "girl" eggs, which contain this plastic doll, which appears to be a pre-pubescent girl in a classic one-knee-bent model pose showing off her legs in her daisy dukes, cowboy boots, and a midriff-bearing pink belly shirt with her archetypal blond hair and over-sized blue eyes peeking out from underneath her cowboy hat.  In a nutshell (or literally in a chocolate shell) Kinder Egg is selling what every little girls wants: her very own sexy cowgirl.

I showed the ad to my 10-year-old and asked her if she'd want it.  

"No," she replied.  "It's stupid.  What would I do with it?"  I asked her if she thought it would be a good toy for her 4-year-old cousin, Lily.

"No way! Her whole belly is showing! It's just so…awkward and weird.  I don't think she should play with it."

I tried to get her to explain further but she wouldn't.  She knows that its wrong but finds it hard to explain why.

I completely understand how she feels. 

I've been thinking a lot about this picture and why it bothers me so much.  After all, Kinder is far from being the only company out there marketing stereotypical and sexist toys.  McDonalds often has "boy" and "girl" Happy Meal toys.  Most of the arts & crafts kits for girls focus on being a fashion designer, makeup artists, or  jewelry maker.  And Barbie still has a cup size-to-waist ratio that I've only seen on one other live person: Heidi Montag…and that was only after hours of surgery.

Which one is real & which one is plastic?  Technically, they both are…

It's not that I'm against Barbie or those arts & crafts kits or the McDonald's toys.  The truth is my daughter does prefer them over either "boy" or neutral toys.  When she was born, I decided not to buy "girl" toys; we had accumulated a ton of toys in the three year since my son was born & I saw no reason why she couldn't play with those.  Except that she didn't.  She showed no interest in anything except the stuffies-diapering and caring for each one like they were her babies.  She ignored all the Lego but could spend hours playing with my jewelry, makeup, and shoes. And this was all before the age of 2: before she watched TV (she had no interest), before she was old enough to be influenced by the kids at school, before she had been "taught" to be a girly-girl.  She just was born to be one.

Now before you chastise me for allowing that to happen, I'll remind you that I gave her the choice.  She chose the jewelry over the Lego.  She chose to cradle her "babies" instead of making them fight like my son did.  And 5 years later, when she was playing dress-up with her friend in my closet, she chose to wear my running clothes and marathon medals along with a pair of my highest, strappiest heels, lipstick, and an overabundance of blue eyeshadow; she looked like the coolest, strongest female superhero ever. I couldn't have chosen a better outfit to represent what being a woman means to me…except maybe a little less eyeshadow.

No one fits the female cliche more than I do: I am teacher who loves cooking, shoes, romance novels, and watching the Oscars for the dresses more than the awards.  A woman who has no problem asking for help carrying something heavy or using my feminine powers to get upgraded rental cars or putting on the damsel-in-distress routine in order to get faster & better service at places like the Apple store. I have no problem washing the dishes in my warm, cozy kitchen while my husband is outside in the freezing cold shovelling the driveway. But does this mean I am a "weaker" female?  Quite the contrary.  I am secure with who I am and what I like, and I know how to use my God-given talents and assets to overcome any hurdle. I'm very happy being the strong, pink-loving, high-heel wearing woman that I am. 

So if all that is true, than who am I to criticize Kinder Egg for their choice of "girl" toy?  Because by segregating their toys into "boy" and "girl", they have taken away that element of choice of what a girl could be and instead, is dictating what a girl should be. That is where I have an issue.

When I was in grade 12, I was having a lot of trouble with math.  I used to work for hours and hours each night and still have to go in for extra help almost every morning.  Finally after months of this routine, my MALE math teacher sighed and recommended that I drop his course; that some girls just don't have a mind for math.  So what did I do?  I dropped math.  In hindsight, I know that it was a stupid thing to do, but when someone whose older and (supposed to be) wiser tells you what you should be, you listen. I felt I had no choice.  

That moment is one of my biggest regrets in life. I regret that I allowed that man to dictate to me what I should be.  Which is exactly what Kinder Egg is doing by offering a sexy cowgirl as the only option to girls who don't like cars.  

In other words, they're teaching girls that are only two choices in life: you can either play with boy's toys…or you can be one.

Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?

.